she woke up with a sticky ear
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
