I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
