Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
