I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
