Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
