Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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