mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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