I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
