1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize