Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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