Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
