oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
