There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
