I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
