you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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