you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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