her vagine was all disorganized.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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