so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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