I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
