yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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