Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
