Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
