new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
