i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
