I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize