So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
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Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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