Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
