Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
