I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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