i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am available for nakedness
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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