its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Success! We fucked roommates!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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