I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
