he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
