did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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