my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
