Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
