SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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