Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
