he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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