I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
