Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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