so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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