He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
