I just made out with a guy for $7.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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