Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.