I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
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Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.