she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
