i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
