So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.