Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
