if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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