I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
