I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
