Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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