im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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