I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
