Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
