Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
