Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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