Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
