There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
