I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
