I'm really into asian looking animals
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
