she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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