We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
