Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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