he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
