Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
