we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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