She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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