Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
