all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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