i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
