A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
