I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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