My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
