think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
